Can You Truly Take Good Care of Another, if You don’t First Care for Yourself?

Over the past 18 years, I have observed colleagues that were exhausted, struggled with being overweight, and were ill with all kinds of ailments. They were often careless and made mistakes at work. Central Bureau of Statistics surveys show that the percentage of people with burnout, depression and certain diseases increases every year. 1.6 million employees are suffering from burnout. This is approximately 19% of the population in the Netherlands. It is noticeable that women, more often than not, experience earlier burn-out than men. More and more people use drugs and alcohol and suffer from depression. Approximately 1.1 million people are on anti-depressants in 2021 (1). These figures are cause for concern.

In addition to my work as a carer, as a health practitioner, I have supported many people who were over-tired and stressed out because they placed work before their bodies and, at the expense of their own health, gradually lost connection with their body. At the same time, I have also experienced what it’s like to work and not listen to my own body. And then this question arose:

‘How can you truly take good care of another, if you do not primarily take care of yourself?’

I’ve attended courses and lectures, read online articles and blogs and learned the theory of self-care. First of all, I practised loving myself. I looked more deeply at my ways of checking out, by doing too much, and started to listen to my body. I’d sit down for a few minutes to come back into my body or start to do things by being more present with my body. Not being hard on myself or others, even when a mistake is made, and learning to not take things personally. And not putting things aside to escape, but let’s do it straight away.  It is so easy to let ourselves be driven by not wanting to feel and deal with what is really going on and with the people around us. To open up to colleagues and take more responsibility and realise I am great and can give much more, express and share who I truly am. We don´t have to do much, but just be positive in life. People will notice that.

I’ve also observed that nurses and carers work more hours than they are paid for. For example, there is often not enough time to take breaks or to eat lunch. We eat too fast and don’t listen to what our body needs to eat, eating junk food instead. We are so busy with clients we often hold our pee and stay a long time before going to the toilet, which is not good for the bladder and creates stress. We are so focused on the work we forget about our body.

What makes it so hard to take care of ourselves?

Time

Healthcare provider budgets have been cut. Nurses and carers are under increasing time pressures. Visits to clients are hasty with little space for peace and quiet to connect with the client. We all recognise that these conditions can create more stress and make it more likely that careless mistakes and errors are made.

Expectation

Stress also occurs when healthcare providers set but cannot meet their unrealistic norms, values and visions on good care in practice.

Comparison

When you have a negative self-image, feel undeserving or less important than others, you are less likely to take care of yourself.  It is also the same when you’re always critical of yourself, and comparing yourself with others and finding them always ‘ better ‘ than you.

Guilt

Holding the belief that choosing self-first is selfish and/or feeling guilty when you do

Beliefs

Ideals and beliefs we’ve grown up with can include:

It is our job to be there for others.
Sacrificing yourself for another makes you a good person.
Other’s needs come before your own needs and are greater than your own.
You must be useful and do good deeds.                                               
I don’t deserve it.
Negativity

At times when we focus on negative thoughts and emotions we miss the beauty around us and in ourselves. We make ourselves sick if we keep on doing this to ourselves.

Dissatisfaction

Also new is the degree to which we are dissatisfied with our bodies. The Oxford Handbook of the Psychology of Appearance (2012) states that typically “between 55 and 75% of women are dissatisfied with their body.” Research suggests that this dissatisfaction developed during the second half of the twentieth century.

Psychology Today carried out high-profile studies in 1972, 1985 and 1996. In 1972, 23% of American women and 15% of men were dissatisfied; in 1996, this was 56% and 43%, respectively.

Is it selfish to take care of yourself?

Take care of yourself, take time for yourself, say ‘No’ without feeling guilty, appreciate and support yourself, make choices for yourself, is that selfish or loving? If we care for ourselves well, we have more to offer everyone else.  We have to be gentle with ourselves and commit to care for ourselves.

What is the price we pay for not taking good care of ourselves?

The lack of attention and self-care of many nurses and carer’s takes its toll, both physically and mentally. This can manifest itself in stress, burnout, depression, obesity and all kinds of other ailments. Why wait until you get a wakeup call and are forced to stop, because you have neglected yourself? Ask yourself now, ‘Why am I doing this to myself?’  ‘Why am I sacrificing my life for others at my own expense?

When you constantly look outside yourself, give all of you away to clients, parents, partners or children and ignore yourself, your battery gets empty, your zest for life dwindles.

References

1] 1) 1.074.476 people on antidepressant + bron: GIP-Zorginstituut Nederland update: (2/8/2022)

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