When a client or family member presents in a particular way, perhaps is irritable, impatient, reacts or even hits out, how do we respond?
As carers we need to be aware of a tendency within ourselves to react with ‘punishment’. This may not be physical punishment, but withdrawal of kindness, tenderness or companionship or simply dis-interest. It helps to observe ourselves and our responses whenever we consider a client’s behaviour to be unacceptable. Do we react, refuse to go the extra mile for them and instead offer the basics of care?
There’s a difference between condoning emotionally charged behaviour and observing it without judgement. It may be that a client has developed a pattern in previous relationships that leads them to react to a carer, especially when they feel vulnerable, threatened, scared or have no control. Sometimes an old memory is triggered and a client’s reaction, perhaps related to an unresolved or childhood hurt, has little to do with what is happening in the here and now.
As carers, it is fundamental that we observe behaviour without absorbing its emotional content.
To absorb emotion means we enjoin the client in their upset and once we do, it disables us from giving the loving support they need. It also prevents us from ‘stepping back’ and observing not just the whole situation, but what is going on behind and underneath it, simply because we are in the middle of it. When we judge or become critical, we shut down, put up a protective shield or withdraw. This shuts down the natural flow of love within us all.
In one situation, a client hit out at a carer. She (carer) had introduced a routine at the end of the day when he was tired (and she also) without first informing client or asking him what he wanted. The next day she filed an incident report about what happened. But what if the incident report focuses only on the ‘client’s’ behaviour and not the carer’s also?
If carer chooses to blame client for what happened, they may in resentment punish the client, for example, by refusing to sit with them over lunch or do activities with them. In that way, we are in fact neglecting the client. Without self-awareness, carer feels aggrieved and reacts to the client. With reflection and acknowledgement of not just what happened but why in its totality, we deepen our awareness of client and ourselves. In this way we are resourced to respond without blame or judgement and quality of care is never compromised.
Without self-awareness, there is no room to explore what led up to the incident or what could have been done differently.
To relate to each client without expectation means we carry no baggage, or pictures and as a result are more likely to accept who they are in entirety. Yes, we express honestly when behaviour is abusive but never is it personal or tinged with an air of punishment or reaction. When expressed in this way it clears the behaviour that has occurred.
Remembering also, that when a client reacts to something we have said or done, this could also trigger in us a memory of our own unresolved hurts. And our own reaction may be more related to past behaviour towards us, than client’s behaviour in the present. So, a client can also be a mirror for us too, highlighting how important self-awareness and reflection is.
As carers we continue to observe, stay steady within ourselves, and offer the exact same and loving quality of care. This offers truly supportive care to a client regardless of the nature of any occurrence.
Quality of care is never compromised.