A 6 Year Old Challenge

For 3 years I was picking up a girl from school and taking her home. I accompanied her for three hours. When our relationship started, she was six years old, had met several carers and didn’t want any of them because she only wanted to be with her mum.

She would show the rejection and frustration she felt openly.

She protected herself by becoming hard and cold. I was her enemy and the point to which she directed all her anger and helplessness.

If you had low self-esteem, (which I did) she was perfect to touch any wound and let you down.

Behind her aloof demeanour was insecurity and a strong need for attention and recognition. It was a reflection of my own hardness and isolation. It showed me my own protections and defences. My apparent security was just a façade, behind it I could see my insecurity and lack of love.

The work together started with me. I realised if I didn’t treat myself with respect and affection, I couldn’t treat her with respect and affection either.

Through games we started to create connections and we got closer.

I learned something that was very difficult for me to do: to set limits and say No. She was surprised by my authority and my love. She was surprised by my authority and the abuse stopped.

I stopped consenting to abuse and feeling like a victim and as I let go of old patterns, more space opened up inside me for love and tenderness. Our encounters became more natural with a deeper connection and intimacy.

We learned to trust each other and I was able to love her beyond appearances. It helped me to take responsibility, to be more myself and to let go of many old beliefs that prevented me from being myself.

It was a healing encounter for both of us that I am deeply grateful for.

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