I pointed out some of the flowers and bushes to Mia and my colleague as we walked along, and handed her a dandelion to feel and smell. Mia had a strong sense of smell which can sometimes put her off certain foods or play materials. Having got used to the space outside by now, Mia was striding out in the wonderfully fresh air, enjoying the walk and the scenery. We were in a country park with a small through road that was closed to traffic and there were a couple of other walkers around. We stayed fairly close to her and were prepared to follow if she chose to run ahead of us.
When we all stopped walking and turned around Mia was fine about going back to the car. We were apprehensive when a figure appeared ahead of us with quite a large dog that was bouncing around. Fortunately, the young male owner put the dog on a short leash when we got nearer to them. We did not know what Mia’s reaction would be, but all was well when we passed by, her response was ‘interested observation’. During many future walks Mia made it clear that she likes dogs, and also that she has no fear, so staff have to be protective while allowing her to enjoy them when she meets them.
It was a warm spring day when we took Mia out for her first walk in the country since she arrived at her new home. Mia was eight years old and had a diagnosis of autism, being placed in our care three months earlier. There were two of us adults with her and our care home was a four bedroomed house in an ordinary street. We also had Mia’s brother living with us and another boy, unrelated, both with a diagnosis of autism. These boys were otherwise occupied today.
Arriving home, we were met by her brother, Glen, whose turn it was to go out into the community. On his return we learned that he had not enjoyed his time outside and had stayed in the car, refusing to leave it. In time, with the care and consistency of staff taking him outside, he gradually got used to his outings, but it would take much longer for him to enjoy them.
Our other boy, Niam, who lived with us continued to attend the school in the area where he used to live with his mum. There is a 35 mile journey each way for two staff to accompany him to school each day, almost an hour travelling each way, and the need to ensure that he arrived on time.
All three children had some things in common: their ages were 8 and 9, they were non-verbal with a diagnosis of autism and came from homes where the parenting was the responsibility of their single mums who had recently both been experiencing mental health difficulties.
What has brought these children into our care? Could it be an effect of the single mums with their own unmet needs that are parenting children also with increased needs, and on their own, without access to adequate support? This also says something about our society, when single mothers feel they must manage alone, or are they left to manage on their own?
When the children came to their new home they were not thriving, they were not toilet-trained, eating or sleeping well. They did not have structure to their day, and Mia did not like to wear clothes at all. The children who eventually come into residential care have additional needs, such that they need extra care and protection. For example, there may be some intellectual disability, and varying levels of anxiety that produces behaviour that needs to be approached sensitively, safely and in a positive and constructive way. Firm boundaries need to be in place and monitored by all the team with consistency.
It takes a team to be able to support these needs.
This responsibility is understandably a strain on a lone parent. There is something about the pressure on parents to be able to manage and not ask for help. I was virtually a single parent as my husband worked abroad most of the time. My son, now 50 years old made the comment that he was “horrid” to his younger brother and that with his dad not being around “none of us coped very well”.
Within three months, and with teamwork and consistency of routine, all of the children are sleeping well, have improved self-care routines and Glen is thrilled with himself that he has managed to cast aside his toilet training pants and use the toilet when he needs to. Mia now wears dresses and goes swimming and to the park regularly. Niam has his favourite books and tv programmes, and is learning to taste, and eat, more of a variety of different foods.
All of the children communicate how they want their daily activities and their food menus planned through pictures and photos. Education takes place by mentors that visit the home for Glen and Mia. Niam still attends school where he is already settled and thriving. He has visits to his mum and brother once a week and Mia and Glen see their mum once a week too. Speech therapy is being arranged for the children and funding has been applied for.
Each child needs to be understood for their individual needs. When these are met, most autistic children can learn to be a valued part of the community.
The National Autistic Society School Report (2021), found that “seven in ten autistic children and young people said school would be better if more teachers understood autism.”
This was a study that interviewed parents, teachers and other young people, including autistic children. An additional statistic that speaks loudly is that “fewer than a third of parents said their child’s school place met their needs, and related evidence from Ambitious about Autism (2025) found only about half of teachers (53%) felt adequately trained to support autistic children.”
The evidence from real life, quoted in this report, is that “Over 160,000 autistic pupils are in England’s schools right now, and more than 70% of them are educated in mainstream classrooms — learning the National Curriculum alongside their peers”(Ambitious about Autism, 2025).
At the home, love is the foundation that provides consistency in giving these children what they need in order to learn: communication tools, sensory regulation, predictability of routine, calm and pleasurable time with their peers, with their family and with their carers is fulfilling their needs. As is social time out in the community, a safe, secure base to have play time and to rest, empowering them to discover new skills and confidence to manage daily life, and be more in touch with who they are and how they want life to be.
Especially important is supporting and encouraging frequent family contact and increasing this as time goes by, and never excluding the possibility that the children can return home to their mums at a point in the future. With our support, mum, dad or another family member become the continuity in the children’s lives, a support that is always there and a constant connection. In the future, the child as a young adult may have a semi-supported living space, or their own living space.
In the home we are preparing the children for their future life as part of the community. We involve them in the daily routines of cooking, washing up, making their beds, putting the laundry in the washer, gardening, routines that are gently assimilated and which become their ‘norm’. They also learn social and practical skills, like negotiating with their peers for tv time (we are not quite there yet!), learning to deal with upsets and regulating their emotions when their expectations are not met immediately.
In preparing the children for attending school in the future and for everyday life we offer education, travelling in the car, social occasions, shopping trips, celebrating each other’s birthdays. We also have cultural days each month and show the children different foods and ways of living. So far, we have had India and Pakistan Day, Peru Day and Africa Day, with music and songs as appropriate to add a flavour of the different cultures
It is the ordinary days that form the substance for their future.
We cannot predict the future and what life will bring for any of us, but we can make meaning and purpose in the everyday lives of ourselves. In supporting the potential of these young children to value themselves, they can become valued members of the community.
Note: What actually constrains learning? This is the part with policy relevance: the biggest barriers are usually environmental and systemic, not neurological. Under-resourced schools, waiting years for an EHCP (education health and care plan), teachers without autism training, and anxiety or exclusion from peer communities all suppress learning far more than autism itself does.
References:
National Autistic Society (2021). School Report 2021. London: National Autistic Society. Published 9 November 2021. Available at: https://www.autism.org.uk/what-we-do/news/school-report-2021
Children’s Wellbeing and Schools Bill (2025):
Ambitious about Autism (2025). Response to the Call for Evidence: Children's Wellbeing and Schools Bill (CWSB151). UK Parliament Publications. Available at: https://publications.parliament.uk/pa/cm5901/cmpublic/ChildrensWellbeingSchools/memo/CWSB151.htm